So there I was, sucking on some titties... Nope. Still the wrong story. Sorry.
Let me back up a few weeks. My girlfriend and I moved into a new apartment a few months ago. Our new place has two locks on the front door. The bottom one can be unlocked from the outside. The top one is keyless, and you cannot. Which is great if you want to keep out maintenance guys with master keys or someone with good lock picking skills. But not great if your girlfriend has a habit of locking both while you are away.
I work nights and often get home in the early am hours. Routinely, my sleep schedule goes to hell on my days off. So it's not a stretch to go to work without sleep on my first day of the week. Well, this happened to me a few months ago, and when I finally got off of work, sleepy, soaked from sweat, and ready to pass out at 4 a.m. The front door was locked. I called my girlfriend for about 20 minutes to no avail. I finally went and got something to eat to try to stay awake. After about an hour and a half, she finally woke up. That was a bad day for me.
Two days ago, she did it again. I wasn't as tired this time, so it wasn't so bad, but something had to give. So I duct-taped the top lock so that it would take some effort to lock it. No more locking it without thinking about it. Problem solved. Uh sure...
We just got a few new Wienerschnitzel restaurants in the area, so yesterday, I decided it was time to see what the fuss was about. I had to Google how to spell that.
When I got to my car, I decided, nah, I'll take my truck instead. It hasn't been driven in a while. So I took off to get my chili cheese dogs. I actually got a chili cheese dog and a chili cheeseburger. The restaurant was only a couple miles from home, so I took the food home.
Excited as I got home, I threw all my crap in my pockets, grabbed my food, locked the doors, and hopped out of my truck. I only forgot one thing; my keys in the ignition. And my older truck will indeed stay locked once the doors are shut.
I'm a pessimist and always have been. Give me a good idea, and I'll figure out everything wrong with it. The good thing about being a pessimist is that when things do go wrong, you don't freak out. So I ate my Wienerschnitzel on the hood of my truck, which was pretty damn amazing; As I ate, I was on the phone with locksmiths. That key in my ignition is my only truck key which also has my car and apartment key. I was locked out of everything.
I only managed to get two locksmiths on the phone as it was around 8 pm, and most places were closing. One said he couldn't make it and the other said it would be two hours and $80. I'm a cheap skate as well, so I said screw that. My girlfriend and I work at the same place, just different shifts. She was at work and had a break coming up at 9 pm.
Off we go, I started walking and made it to the front door of work at 8:55, drenched in sweat. The heat was so intense that she thought I had already been at work. After getting her house key, the walk back home was exhausting—7 miles in total. Once inside, I took a quick shower before passing out from the fatigue.
This morning, a trip to Lowe's was in order to pick up a window leveler—a small, heavy-duty airbag used to level windows and doors. With it, the door was pried open just enough to slip in a clothes hanger and unlock it. Two minutes of tinkering, and the door clicked open.
The lesson? Don't tease your girlfriend for locking you out twice—karma might just lock you out next. Skipping the bike ride yesterday seemed like a good idea, but the universe decided to make me exercise anyway. It all worked out, though. At least it ended with a good laugh.
